life and stuff

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Kendall Payne - Scratch

It's a big girl world now
Full of big girl things
And everyday I wish I was small
I've been counting on nothing
But he keeps giving me his word
And I am tired of hearing myself speak
Do you ever get weary?
Do you ever get weak?
How do you dream
When you can't fall asleep?

I've been wondering what you're thinking
And if you like my dress tonight?
Would you still say you love me
Under this ordinary moonlight?
I'm so afraid of what you'll say.

I'd like to know if you'd be open
To starting over from scratch
I'd like to know if you'd be open
To giving me a second chance

I used to think I was special
And only I have proved me wrong
I thought I could change
The world with a song
But I have ended up in India
With no lamp to guide me home.
The strangest place I think I have ever been
And all this time
I thought that we were friends
My stubborn will is learning to bend.

I'd like to know if you'd be open
To starting over from scratch
I'd like to know if you'd be open
To giving me a second chance

I'd like to know if you'd be open
To starting over from scratch
I'd like to know if you'd be open
To giving me a second chance

It's a big girl world now
Full of big girl things

Monday, November 27, 2006

Pieces by Rascal Flatts

From the moment that we met
My world was turned around
Upside down

To some degree I still regret
My memory for keeping you around

Boy I thought that you were mine
But my broken hearts been shattered
One too many times

And I don't want to see you anymore
I'm just not that strong
I love it when you're here,
But I'm better when you're gone
I'm certain that I've given and oh how you can take
There's no use in you looking
There's nothing left for you to break
Baby please release me
Let my heart rest in pieces

Someone let you down again
So you turn to me
Your convenient friend

Oh but I know what you're doing
And what you hope to find
I've seen it a thousand times

Oh the fire we had before
Are now just bitter ashes
Left scattered on the floor

And I don't want to see you anymore
I'm just not that strong
I love it when you're here,
But I'm better when you're gone
I'm certain that I've given and oh how you can take
There's no use in you looking
There's nothing left for you to break
Baby please release me
Let my heart rest in pieces

And I don't want to see you anymore
I'm just not that strong
I love it when you're here,
But I'm better when you're gone
I'm certain that I've given and oh how you can take
There's no use in you looking
There's nothing left for you to break
Baby please release me
We both know that you don't need me
Let my heart rest in pieces

Hurt by Chistina Aguilera

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself

By hurting you

Thursday, September 07, 2006

E. E. Cummings - I carry your heart

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)
i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)


i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you


here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart


i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Monday, July 10, 2006


Death Cab for Cutie - What Sarah Said



And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breathes as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak of the LCD took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that out memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds
But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"

So who's going to watch you die?..

Monday, June 05, 2006

man....it's been awhile. i just haven't felt the need to write anything. nothing really has been happening. just working and staying busy as best as possible. but for some odd reason, i felt the urge to post. as if anyone still reads this or ever did. i'm gonna take this time to talk about things that have been on my mind. the last several months have been kinda . . . well i am at a lose for words. . . lets just say weird for the lack of a better word at the moment. i am at the place in my life where i don't know what i am doing and why i am here. i know i have said this many times and i still mean it. i just feel so out of place most of the time, still. i basically isolate myself from the world, expect a few people, you know who you are. i don't quite know why i do this. maybe it is a fear of rejection, fear of loss, maybe just fear itself. tired of getting hurt, so i stay away from everyone? but that isn't the thought running through my head when i am sitting at home alone. will it every get easier? i have been asking that same question for almost a year. i keep getting the response that, yes, it will get easier with time. maybe it just seems harder lately because of what was happening this time last year. she is never, NEVER, off my mind. sometimes i struggle to hold back the tears because that come so quickly and unexpectedly. sometimes i can see something random and i will drift off into a memory and when i resurface back to reality i have tears streaming down my face. i find it hard to talk about her still in conversations. i have a hard time going to mccomb and going out to doug's. i now know why people move out the house after a loved one dies, so many memories. the house is SO empty now but still so full, full of useless things that mean nothing. it will never be the same. . . . . i will never be the same.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

WE HAVE A BABY GIRL!!

EMILY HAD HER BABY ON FRIDAY THE 24TH OF MARCH AT 9:10 PM. SHE WAS 6LBS AND 4OZ AND 21 INCHES LONG. HER NAME IS KATHERINE GRACE. NOT SURE IF THAT IS HOW EMILY IS GONNA SPELL KATHERINE YET. THEY ARE BOTH DOING GOOD. LITTLE GRACIE IS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!! MAEBELINE STAYED IN THE ROOM DURING THE WHOLE DELIVERY. I AM SO PROUD OF HER. CONGRATS EMILY

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Nohari Window (opposite of Johari)

 

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